Thank You Very Sweet

When I was preparing to leave Wall Street and head to Seminary, a woman from my church named Samantha Pitre gave me a book called the Dream Giver.

The book opens with a parable about a little boy named Ordinary who lives in Familiar Town.  Everyone in Familiar Town does the same thing every day: they go to work, come home, watch the box, and go to bed.

One day Ordinary is visited by the Dream Giver and the Dream Giver leaves him with a dream of something different, the symbol of which is a feather.  Feeling that he must do something with this feather, Ordinary decides to leave Familiar town to pursue his dream.

Ordinary does not get to his dream right away, however.  Pursuit of the dream becomes a hot and lonely road for Ordinary, as it seems he is cast out into the desert for a while.  He runs out of food and he runs out of water, and he gets frustrated.  But whenever he is hungry, food miraculously appears.  And whenever he is thirsty, water appears.

But Ordinary begins to doubt, and he gets really really mad.

He is almost ready to turn around, when he meets a woman named Faith.

Faith leads Ordinary the rest of the way.  Faith leads him through the remainder of the desert and into a new and fertile place.

A beautiful and lush place, except there are giants in this new place that Ordinary has to navigate around.  Faith helps him navigate those Giants;  and eventually Faith leads Ordinary to his dream, which is far more brilliant than his initial vision.

I am Ordinary and I left Familiar Town when I left Wall Street and went to Princeton Theological Seminary in 2005.

Finding my way…

The Dream Giver gave me a vision of something different: a life of purpose and meaning.  So I left the world that I knew.

God often sends us two-by-two: With Talithea at the Brooklyn Promenade, looking out over “Lady Liberty” with skepticsim. Are we free?

But I did not arrive at my dream right away. I walked (sometimes crawled) through a desert.  I made so many financial sacrifices in order to be in ministry, there were times that I didnt know how I would live.  But as I look back, I realize that I have never gone without.  Whenever I was hungry, there was food.  Whenever I was thirsty, there was water.

But just like Ordinary, I reached that burning hot place in my journey; that place where I didn’t want to do another thing.  All I  wanted to do was turn around.  This was June 2010 when The Women Center closed and the I found Kesner dead.  “Why Cant this Just be easy?!” I hollered and cried.  I was ready to throw in the towel and abandon this “road less-traveled”  for a path that felt more ordinary…

But then I met Faith

Winston Churchill said : “when you are going through hell, keep going…”   Dont stop there.

I realized that if I didn’t have faith, faith that one day things would get better, then I had nothing.  I realized that at 30, I was too young for the rest of my life to be hot, miserable and ordinary.  Change would have to come. So I followed faith through the remainder of my desert.  I worked hard, and I did the best that I could with my circumstance – and the hot moment has passed.

Today I am on that plush, fertile ground – and Faith is  there helping me navigate my giants.

I have just completed my second year of course work at Rutgers and funding is no longer an issue for me, as I am now a Ralph Bunche Fellow, A Pre Doctoral Leadership Institute Fellow, an Eagleton Institute of Politics Fellow and the recipient of the 2011 Dean’s Award.I have experienced miracle after miracle, but as my friend Amanda says: “life is a series of a thousand tiny miracles..”

Amanda and Me on Christmas Day

I recognize the miracles now.

I have also been involved in really interesting projects:  I participated in an evaluation of New Jersey’s Fugitive Safe Surrender Program, I am involved in a national study of probation officer’s use of opportunity focused reentry strategies, and I am involved in a state-wide prison based higher education initiative.  I will be co-piloting a prison-based intro to criminal justice course in the fall.  This class will be taught in the confines of a prison using the Inside Out model: half of the students will come from Rutgers and the other half will be incarcerated students.  I’m so excited.

As my good friend Andrea often says: “my universe is on fire.”

Me and Andrea at Jessie’s Bachelorette Party

Rutgers is truly fertile ground for me.

But I still have giants ahead of me.  Giants like navigating the social politics of the academy. And giants like adapting to social science research – I have a liberal arts background.  I have Giants ahead of me like my dissertation…

But faith will guide me through.

I am also in a fertile place in my personal life.  I am loving life and having a good time again!

Doing the Dougie with Doug E. Fresh at The Apollo Spring Gala last year – I’m having a good time again..

Yet I navigate around giants in my personal life as well.  Giants like evolving friendships, occasional personal attacks, personal growth and self acceptance.  And giants like patiently (sometimes desperately) waiting for “The One” to enter my life.

Faith is leading me through that also.  And I cant wait to see what is on the other side.

Can I share with you some things that I am envisioning?

1) In my lifetime, I will produce groundbreaking research that impacts social policy and I will be an award-winning ethnographer engaged in urban sociology. I will be a policy scholar.  I will be top in my field.

2) I will be a professor, the type that engages students.  Every student that I meet is a potential change agent, I will take those interactions very seriously. I will work to bring a message of justice, critical thought, communication and empowerment to young adults.

3) I will never stray too far from incarcerated people.  I will teach in prisons as often as I can and I will be a public advocate for penal justice reform.

4) Politics may be in my future.  And it would also be interesting to be an HBCU president one day…

5) I am also going to preach The Gospel.  I will use my words in the direction of truth and love.  I will preach the Gospel in many forms.  I will speak.  I will write.  I am a writer and I will be writing for the rest of my life.

6) The Women Center will resurrect in Trenton, NJ in some form. There will be like services available for women living at and below the poverty level once again. Trenton will experience a renewal.

I will share some personal romantic goals shortly….

7) As for Thank You Very Sweet – I see a movie.  And a book. And a play.  This is a beginning. 

And I also see a school.  The William Cook School in Trenton New Jersey is a school in Kesner’s old ward that has been abandoned for more than ten years.  Kesner felt very passionately about this school because of the message that it sent to children in the community about the value of education.

One day this school will be The Kesner Dufresne Academy for Boys.

The Kesner Dufresne Academy for Boys

This will be a top school with a highly ranked athletic program.  All students will matriculate to college.  Our target students will be low income boys of color.

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I have a beautiful and vibrant life ahead, a spectacular dream.  I wear feathers a lot now, to symbolize this dream that the Dream Giver has given to me.

So at this time, I would like to say thank you,  To God:

Dear God,

Thank you for the Journey.  I doubted you.  I was angry.  I questioned you.  And you forgave me. I finally read the book of Job from start to finish and I was convicted.  Who am I to question your works?  You have showered me with grace. Your perfect LOVE has carried me through. I understand more now and I have become more wise because of this experience – how dare I question your plan? Years ago, I asked you for wisdom.  You are granting it. 

I become more wise every day.

I’m sorry..  I love you.. Forgive me..  is all that I can say.  Words don’t come easily..   But thankfully when the words don’t come, you simply say: Baby can I hold you tonight?  

And you do. 

I love you God.  And I thank you.  Thank you for Kesner, Thank you for my friends and family, Thank you for this blog, and Thank you for every person that stops here to read it. 

And Thank you for my vision. I am so excited about it!!!

To you, God; aka The Universe; aka Jehovah; aka The Dream Giver; aka LOVE; aka The Present; aka Higher Power; aka whatever name suits you:

To you I say, Thank You Very Sweet!!!!!!!!

our song

© Copyright Thank You Very Sweet, 2012