Archive for the ‘Chapter 45’ Category

It was nearing the end of July and my apartment lease would expire on the 31st; I had to get back to New Jersey and move out. It was time to leave Ohio for a few days and return to Trenton.   All of the healing things that I had done at home  helped me muster the strength to make the trip on my own.  I decided to drive.

When I arrived in New Jersey, I drove straight to Qiyana’s condo.


Qiyana’s  place felt safe; I decided to stay there. Qiyana greeted me warmly with some of my favorite things. It had been over a month since I’d seen her last, so we caught up on her balcony and later I settled in for the night; I would go to my apartment the following day…


I arrived at my place the next afternoon. I hadn’t been there since the weekend of the funeral and I was apprehensive about the emotional impact of re-entering the space.

It was emotional.

When I walked in I felt the familiarity of home. And Kesner. And I took a moment to pause, sit, look around, breathe and cry. I looked at the chair he used to sit in. I could see him and hear him.

I needed him.

If I was going to pack up my apartment, and our memories, I needed to know his spirit was with me – helping me to be strong.  ‘Kesner –  Help me,’ I breathed through my tears. And within short order, he responded.

Kesner sent me three signs:

The first sign was a balloon. There was a helium balloon floating around in my apartment that said “Thinking of You” on it.

thinking of you...

The balloon had come with a bouquet of flowers that had been delivered a month prior, just after Kesner died. This balloon was significant because Kesner used to text me that every day: “Thinking of You.” It was also significant because the average life span of a helium balloon is 30-60 hours . There is no reason that the balloon should have been full of air and floating for an entire month, except for the fact that Kesner wanted me to know that he was thinking of me…

I found the second sign in my refrigerator: the last bottle of chardonnay that Kesner bought was still there.

I’d cooked dinner the week before he died and he’d brought over this bottle of wine. There was enough left for a single glass, so I poured a glass and relaxed for a moment.  And as I was sipping my glass of wine and watching my balloon float around the room, I saw my third sign:

Edward Hiscox’s Star Book For Ministers.

This was a book that I didn’t realize I owned. Kesner and I had shared a good laugh with Courtney and Cory about the phonetic pronunciation of ‘Hiscox’ over dinner several months prior. In fact, in the photo where Kesner is whispering in my ear and I’m laughing, that is what he was saying to me:



I laughed.

Kesner was definitely there; with a message, a glass of wine and a laugh. I felt strong.

I could get to work.

Packing was easy. In fact I’d never had a move that went that smoothly. This was due, in part, to the fact that I had organized my apartment several weeks before I left town:

I’d gotten everything organized in April: It was the last week of April and I decided to take a vacation from work. I was preparing to preach that sunday and I was waiting on a WORD from the Lord. The only WORD that came that week was ‘Get Your House in Order’. So I decided that God wanted me to clean my apartment. I threw away many bags of unnecessary stuff that week, and I now understood why. God told me to get my house in order because HE knew that I would have to move soon… 

GOD was making it easy for me.


I got most of the packing done that afternoon. Felicia and Talithea came over that evening to help me wrap my dishes and valuables in newspaper and bubble wrap.

Felicia and Talithea

It was good to see them. They caught me up on everything that had gone on in Trenton while I was away. I’d missed them.

The following day was moving day and 6 amazing Kappas came to help us move my things. This included the Polemarch, the Vice Polemarch and Drew/Angel. Kesner had dispatched his fraternity brothers to help me.

He was definitely there.

We moved all of my belongings into a storage unit at my church; God had paved the way for me to have free storage space. We packed the remainder of my belongings into my car, including the large box of my orange protest tee-shirts; I still had about 250 of them left. And with that it was finished. I returned my keys and said goodbye to Trenton.

The following day Klay hosted a small party for me at his apartment in Harlem. Talithea and Felicia came with me; it was a beautiful night. Klay served a delicious meal. Andrea recited some of her amazing poetry. And Michelle, a friend from my Spelman College Glee Club days, serenaded us with a beautiful rendition of Ave Maria. It was awesome; a wonderful night.

Talithea, Felicia and I spent the night in New York that night and headed back to New Jersey early the following morning. We had to get back; Talithea and I had an early flight to New Orleans the following morning…

We were headed to the National Convention of our beloved sorority, Delta Sigma Theta…

© Copyright Thank You Very Sweet, 2012

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