Thank You Very Sweet

I do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me

I want to be full on my own

I want to be so complete I could light a whole city

and then I want to have you

cause the two of us together could set it on fire.

– Rupi Kaur

Reading this made me think of how often we look to others to fill our empty spaces. We take energy from each other and when we feel that we are not getting enough, we become dis-eased and dissatisfied.   This happens in all types of relationships, not just romantic ones.

But the toaster oven doesn’t say to the microwave – ‘hey, I need electricity from you.’ They both need it, and they get it by plugging into the source.  The source has an infinite supply of electricity to give and when these devices are plugged in, they are empowered to give in the special ways that they were designed to.

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“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet..”

– Matthew 7:6

I considered this teaching as I was bearing one of  my soul-stories to a new friend over lunch today.  I could tell by her reactions, and by the questions she was asking, that she’d rather be talking about something else. Then later she admitted that she wished we’d been talking about Game of Thrones season 7 instead.

The point of it all?

It’s certainly not that anyone is a dog or a pig, that’s not what this teaching is communicating. We are all precious Divine beings, beautiful Lights! It’s just that you would never give a pearl to a pig or to a dog because they wouldn’t be able to appreciate it; they would find it useless. Similarly, not everyone has the capacity to recieive and appreciate your gifts, so be discerning.

Love everyone, of course. But know that everyone’s not ready for you.

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This photo was taken six years ago in a place that I used to love.  This was before Hope died, at my friend Klay’s birthday party.  That’s Klay, my friend, in the picture with Hope.  Hope – my baby apple tree – died one or two years ago, I can’t remember.  Around then I settled in to being regular, although I suppose that’s never really been true. But I was telling myself this story anyway, that my life is average and that fitting in is fine. I started making average decisions.

But I remember how fun it was to hope.  I’ve been re-membering lately.  Listening to “He’s Able” by Deitrick Haddon while I drive and putting some things back together.  There was some benefit to the death of Hope, I suppose.  The whole thing was sobering and I am more grounded today than I was six years ago.  But I also remember how fun it was to hope for incredible things.  I’m wondering today if I can find the balance between the two, being grounded and hopeful at the same time.

There will be no apples from this tree, it’s dead.  But last week I encountered another little tree in a friend’s backyard; a healthy little baby tree planted at the spot where she buried her mother’s ashes  – her mother was a Queen.  And my Queen mom, Margot, moved into a new house in June and has a full grown apple tree planted behind her yard.  And in May I officiated a wedding on an apple orchard, lots of apples grow there. It’s all just interesting to think about.  Maybe there is hope.

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