An Adulthood Crisis?

I’ve been listening to Marrianne Williamson’s talks lately on YouTube. She’s said that we have a “Crisis in Adulthood” in our country – a lot of kids walking about in adult bodies. It’s interesting to think about and I have been all week.

This shows up in our relationships- we can be selfish, having a ‘what can you do for me?’ sort of attitude. Or blame others when things go wrong rather than look introspectively and ask ‘how did I contribute to this?’  Or maybe we have tantrums or punish when we don’t get our way?

In Paul’s letter to Corinth, he says “when I was a child I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I reasoned as a child but when I became a man I gave up childish things.”

Perhaps It’s time to give up childish things? Instead of taking, give. Instead of blaming, take responsibility and self-correct. Instead of pouting and punishing, accept.

Do the Work

Life has been really good lately.  I am doing work that I love, I have a great therapist, a new trainer, new patterns and habits, I’ve met some new men and I’m going on new dates; and I’m being more intentional about connecting with my friends – not just on social media, but really seeing my friends and spending time with them. When we connect, my friends say “what’s happening with you, Friend?” And I often say “not much,” but that’s not really true so I have been updating my instagram page more often  – taking photos –  to remind myself of how awesome and new each day is. Each moment.

This morning in my Spirit Flow class, I taught from John chapter 5 verses 1-8.  Its the story of a man who had been laying by the pool of Bethesda for 38 years, waiting to be healed.  When Jesus encountered him he asked: “do you want to be made well?” the man responds by saying that nobody is there to help him into the mystical waters when the pool gets stirred up and he never gets in there in time to get his healing.  Then Jesus responds by saying “Pick up your mat and walk!” and the man is instantly healed and starts walking.

A few things about this teaching:

  1. The man had a long relationship with his affliction.  As so many of us do. Who would we be without it?
  2. He was close to healing but had never been healed himself. He’d seen so many other people healed, laying by that pool for 38 years.  But he was still sick.
  3. His healing required him to do the work! Jesus said “do you want to be made well?” its a question we all should ask.  Yes we may know our affliction and even be comfortable with it but do we want to be made well?  And his answer.. “well nobody has helped me…” No. Nobody is coming to save you.  instead you must do the work. Get a therapist, join a program, find a community,  a church, engage a life coach, find a  yoga studio, a trainer, a gym, get on E-harmony, quit your job, get out of that relationship, let go, change your habits, clean your house, be intentional, start. Whatever it takes, you know what you need to do because you have seen other people healed. Do the work. It may not be easy. But it’s up to you to pick up your mat and walk.


Kitchen Inspiration

I do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me

I want to be full on my own

I want to be so complete I could light a whole city

and then I want to have you

cause the two of us together could set it on fire.

– Rupi Kaur

Reading this made me think of how often we look to others to fill our empty spaces. We take energy from each other and when we feel that we are not getting enough, we become dis-eased and dissatisfied.   This happens in all types of relationships, not just romantic ones.

But the toaster oven doesn’t say to the microwave – ‘hey, I need electricity from you.’ They both need it, and they get it by plugging into the source.  The source has an infinite supply of electricity to give and when these devices are plugged in, they are empowered to give in the special ways that they were designed to.



“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet..”

– Matthew 7:6

I considered this teaching as I was bearing one of  my soul-stories to a new friend over lunch today.  I could tell by her reactions, and by the questions she was asking, that she’d rather be talking about something else. Then later she admitted that she wished we’d been talking about Game of Thrones season 7 instead.

The point of it all?

It’s certainly not that anyone is a dog or a pig, that’s not what this teaching is communicating. We are all precious Divine beings, beautiful Lights! It’s just that you would never give a pearl to a pig or to a dog because they wouldn’t be able to appreciate it; they would find it useless. Similarly, not everyone has the capacity to recieive and appreciate your gifts, so be discerning.

Love everyone, of course. But know that everyone’s not ready for you.



This photo was taken six years ago in a place that I used to love.  This was before Hope died, at my friend Klay’s birthday party.  That’s Klay, my friend, in the picture with Hope.  Hope – my baby apple tree – died one or two years ago, I can’t remember.  Around then I settled in to being regular, although I suppose that’s never really been true. But I was telling myself this story anyway, that my life is average and that fitting in is fine. I started making average decisions.

But I remember how fun it was to hope.  I’ve been re-membering lately.  Listening to “He’s Able” by Deitrick Haddon while I drive and putting some things back together.  There was some benefit to the death of Hope, I suppose.  The whole thing was sobering and I am more grounded today than I was six years ago.  But I also remember how fun it was to hope for incredible things.  I’m wondering today if I can find the balance between the two, being grounded and hopeful at the same time.

There will be no apples from this tree, it’s dead.  But last week I encountered another little tree in a friend’s backyard; a healthy little baby tree planted at the spot where she buried her mother’s ashes  – her mother was a Queen.  And my Queen mom, Margot, moved into a new house in June and has a full grown apple tree planted behind her yard.  And in May I officiated a wedding on an apple orchard, lots of apples grow there. It’s all just interesting to think about.  Maybe there is hope.


Wait for it

I was on a nature walk recently and really had to use the bathroom.  Upon reaching the point where I simply could not hold on any longer, I relieved myself behind a tree.  A few steps later I passed a pretty big and clean public restroom.

The point of it all?

Wait for it.

We get to these points where we think we can’t hold out/on/in any longer and so sometimes make uncomfortable and unnecessary compromises.  But ‘trust in the Lord, lean not into your own understanding.’ God knows what we need. Wait for it.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Last night after class one of my yoga students approached me to tell me that she hadn’t been to my class in nine months. Nine months ago she took my class on a Monday and then the next day Donald Trump got elected President.  She associated all things she’d done leading up to that event with the event itself and so had been avoiding doing those things again.

Of course I was glad to see my student and it made me think of how often we do this, we make these associations. It’s a protective mechanism. Once we’ve had a bad experience we might not want to do those same things that we think got us there.  Maybe we say:

“I won’t open my heart up to love again because last time it got broken.”


“I won’t apply because last time I got rejected.”


“I won’t get married again because last time it was a disaster.”

In yoga we call these grooves – the patterns and associations that the mind makes once we’ve had an experience. When we practice yoga and move our bodies in all sorts of unusual ways we are smoothing out those grooves, coming back to the realization that the only thing that is real is the present moment and each moment is new. “Behold I am making everything new” God says (Revelation 21:5).

So does it really hurt? Or is that just in your head?

This morning I ran my usual path, I typically stop running and start walking when I get to a certain hill because it’s too steep and too hard to keep going. But today I had to ask myself – “is it really too hard?” “Does it really hurt?” Or was it hard once and I just keep telling myself the same story.  Keeping myself stuck.

I decided not to believe my thoughts and instead feel it again as if it were the first time. Step by step, this morning, I ran up the hill.

What new thing can you do today?